Falling Slowly
by Emily Destler
Summary: Gabriel Goodman is happy with his family life. Or, he thinks he's happy. Then again, he believes most people who think they're happy haven't thought about it enough. Most people who think they're happy are actually just stupid. Well, what to do with that? In this story, we will see the hardships a boy will have to face with a next to normal family and his 'happy' state of mind. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Falling Slowly:**

**written by Emily_Destler**

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Disclaimer: I do not own Next to Normal, nor do I own the Goodmans. So, yeah.

This fanfiction is an AU. Some characters are slightly OOC... okay, not just slightly. Gabe is alive and stuff. But let's just say that isn't the only thing that's made different from the original. That's all I'm giving up on the story. Warnings: There are or will be references to prescription drugs, some possible drug abuse, suicide attempt, mental health issues, delusional states, depression, bipolar disorder, Natalie's language, and lots of feels. You have been warned.

Notes: Well. This chapter is sort of boring, but... things will get better by next one. Promise. None of the aforementioned warnings will take place in this chapter.

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Chapter One: Just Another Day

Gabriel Goodman had just been driven back from football practice when he walked through the front door of his home, and, frankly, he was starving. He'd been running across a field for more than a few hours in the mild September heat and as he set his bookbag down on the stairs, all he could think was a thousand different things he would give up for a sandwich.

That is until he found his mother sitting alone by the kitchen table. She had a far-off look in her eyes that made Gabe worry and question what could have been wrong this time.

"Mom?"

She scared him when she got like this. His mom had been on antidepressants for as long as he could remember, battling and coping with mental illnesses which he, regrettably, happened to know a thing or two about. Needless to say, the gene was hereditary. He also takes various medications, has since he was a child. It was nothing too serious, his psychopharmacologist reassured him, but the episodes he'd apparently experienced in the past were enough to require the standard pills.

His mother looked at him as if she'd just noticed his presence, and he'd startled her. "Gabe! Oh... Hi, sweetie. Didn't see you there. Erm, h-how was football practice?"

He took a few steps forward and kept his voice soft. "It was good." His blue eyes carried sympathy in their wake as they darted across her face. "Are you okay?"

She glanced down at her hands, laid against the table a clenched into tight fists. Her pills were sprawled across the tablemat in a agitated and unorganized fashion. Wincing and unraveling them, she put on a smile and looked back up at her son. "I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about." She assured, before adding a wry smile. "Well, not at the moment, anyway."

She earned a grin from him as he reached out for an apple that rested on top of the basket, promptly taking a bite and speeding over to the pantry in search for something that tasted better.

His mom piped up from her chair, knew all too well what he was intending to do. "Don't spoil your dinner, kiddo."

Gave popped his head out from the door, "I won't."

He knew she didn't really cook anymore. In fact, he couldn't really remember a time when she had. But it wasn't her fault. Her and Dad had been arguing for a while now, and she often seemed too shaky to work a television remote, much less use a stove. Besides, Natalie and Dad were good enough cooks on their own, and when they didn't make dinner for the whole family, he could just as easily make himself something or drive to pick up food. She just wanted to be like a normal mom, and scold him once in a while with motherly things. She didn't just want to be the 'crazy one' all the time. Gabe knew the feeling well enough to understand.

Just then, he heard the frontdoor slam, and the familiar sound of shoes stepping through the house.

"Hello, sunshine!"

"Shut up, Gabe." Came the grumbled reply as Natalie walked past them.

"How was piano practice?" He asked with astonishingly sarcastic enthusiasm, popping his head a second time from behind the pantry door to look at her.

"Fucked." She replied cheerfully, before scowling and getting her school papers from the desk in the farthest corner of the room.

"Language, Natalie." Their mother reprimanded as his sister turned alway. Gabe watched in dissatisfaction as she ignored her. Again. It was as if Natalie hadn't even heard her, like she wasn't even there in the room with them.

Gabe sighed.

"Why does she hate me?" He heard his mother whisper harshly, obviously upset. He turned to her and grimaced at the lost look of confusion on her face.

Gabe was aware that Natalie had a grudge with their mom. He thinks it's because his mom pays more attention to him than to her. Which was kinda true. She'd always been there at all of his football games, cheering him on, being a mother, you know? But she was never there at Natalie's recitals. Sure, he'd only been to about two of them himself when Dad forced him, but it was still evident. He'd tried to talk to Mom about it but she insisted that Natalie wouldn't want her there anyway. That had been the end of that. So, yes, Gabe suspected Nat was jealous.

But that didn't mean she could just outright ignore her existence.

"Natalie,"

"What?" She snapped at the stern tone in his voice, already annoyed.

"Show your mother some respect."

She looked at him blankly for moment, then sneered. "You're a jerk." Gabe raised his eyebrows when she stormed off up the stairs, knowing she would only wind herself even tighter in her extensive homework.

His mother wore a tired expression.

"She's just being a teenager, Mom. Trust me, it's a phase. It'll pass."

"I'm not so sure."

"I am. Really, it's just mood swings taking. You know what it's like to be that age, huh?" Gabe asked as he finally settled on a bag of chips and snatches them from the top shelf. "I'm gonna go do some homework, I'll be in my room."

At that, his mom finally smiled, a real smile, not another fake one to make him feel better; the one he recalls seeing dozens of times over, but never onced really believed in. "You mean video games?"

He pointedly ignored the question with a goofy grin in her direction. He appreciate these moments whenever his mom could make a light-hearted joke, and even though said occurrences were becoming fewer and farther apart, he didn't dwell on it. Her happiness was his. "Call me if you need me."

"I will."

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Review, please. ~Em


	2. Chapter 2

**Falling Slowly: **

**written by Emily_Destler**

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Disclaimer: I don't own Next to Normal or Gabe and Diana Goodman. Deal.

Alright, kiddies, time for the next installment.

Notes: Hey. So this chapter includes prescription drugs, and mentions of mental illness and therapy. As well as some Henry and Nat smoochie action. Oh, and how disgustingly mushy it can be. Enjoy.

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Chapter Two: When Life Goes Down the Drain

Gabe watched in horror from the upstairs window. Outside, by the front porch, his baby sister was kissing some stoner-kid goodbye. The kid she was apparently dating. _What? Since when_ _had she become interested in boys? _And she could definitely do much better than that guy! It was infuriating—not to mention he looked like a total dead-beat. Gabe crossed his arms and wondered how he could have missed this.

He slowly realized that watching Nattie make out with this boy was the fifth or sixth grossest things he'd ever seen in his life and turned away in disgust with a shiver.

His mom was there beside him when he began to speak. "When did she get a _boyfriend?_" He asked her, bewildered.

"Well, she is sixteen, Gabe. Don't you think something like this would have come sooner or later?"

"I... I guess. It's just—she's never even seemed even a little interested in the whole dating scene. It's weird."

"They're young. It happens. How old were _you_ when you had you're first girlfriend?"

"Fourteen—Oh. Yeah. _Right_."

She rested her hand on his shoulder and they both turned back to the window. The two lovebirds were hugging it out like it was some kind of show.

"Shouldn't I... Kick his ass, or something?" He mused once the pair began to walk down the hall, away from the scene.

Gabe shared a bond with his mom, where he felt like he could tell her anything. Sure, she was still his mother, and they had their little disagreements, but since they were both in very similar situations, they had a connection none of his other family members did. It was as such that the pair were a little isolated from the rest of the family. It severed any strong ties that Gabe could ever potentially have with his father, but that sacrifice wasn't for nothing.

His mom, the only one who understood what he was going through, always helped him through the stressful, crazy times in life. Gabe realized this more and more as time went on and, in addition to the medication that he had to take so constantly, discovered with daunting finality, accepted what it was doing to him:

_"I'm missing everything._ I swear it's like I can't pay attention to anything anymore. School's gotten so much harder since Dr. Fine gave me that new perscription."

His mother had empathy in her eyes when she next looked at her son. "I know what that's like." She sighed, and continued flatly: "Why do we let him do that? Dr. Fine. He takes over our lives... We _pay him _to take over our lives with these drugs that are supposed to help us."

Gabe considered this with dread, and quickly found that what he wanted more than anything was to just stop taking the prescriptions. He hated what the pills did to him throughout the day. He could focus on school if he wasn't feeling so dizzy and sick all the time.

Some of the side-effects were even starting to hurt his football skills.

The pills were hurting more than they were helping, and at this point, he knew he should do something about it.

All he could remember next was one moment he was looking at his mother, and the next, the interior of the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, sifting through it fervently. He grabbed all of the bottles that belonged to him, and dumped their contents into the toilet without preamble. He got on his knees as he continued with the rest of the bottles he found still on the sink.

That's when he noticed her standing at the door way and watching him.

There was a pregnant pause, both of them remaining still for its duration.

"I—" Gabe vaguely recognized the feeling of an empty bottle clutched in his hand as his mind spun for what to say to her. "Is this a bad idea?" He decided to ask, voice small and soft, eyes on the floor.

"No," She said strangely, and even though Gabe wasn't looking, he could feel her expression of contemplation. Uncomfortable and sick, Gabe closed his eyes to concentrate. And, as if sensing what he really needed, she began an awkward walk to kneel beside her son, lifting his chin slightly so he would face her. "I don't want you to have to suffer because of Dr. Fine's opinion. It should be your decision to make. You're life. Not his. Remember that."

Gabe considered her words in silence before nodding, getting up from his knees to stare at the colorful pile of pills at the bottom of the bowl. His chest tightened while while he tried to figure out when he'd gotten so many different medications. He'd never needed so much before. Feeling cold, he looked away.

"Time to get rid of these." Gabe affirmed, then worry struck his face , looking up and adding: "Just—don't tell Dad."

She nodded understandingly, with an odd half-smile. "I won't. What he doesn't know can't hurt him, right?"

He smiled back appreciatively, just before finally pushing down the flush. Gabe watched, liberated, as every little pill disappeared.

And now, after all this time, he wished he could take it back.

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Ooh. How foreboding. Review and I will love you forever. Kay? Kay. Its too bad this fandom isn't so popular. But, anyway, see you in the next chapter. ~Em


	3. Chapter 3

**Falling Slowly**

**written by Emily_Destler**

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Disclaimer: I don't own N2N. Happy?

This guy is pretty long. Or, should I say, _longer_.

Notes: Warnings for delusional episodes and a kinda-mental breakdown. And Natalie's coarse language. Hah, I forgot to mention that in previous chapters. Whoops. 'Cause, I mean, damn, that girl's got a mouth on her.

Alright, now is the time to mention the spectacular reviews I've gotten so far. Let me start out by thanking you three, clairlune, Elphie-Jolras, and Galinda of Canada (awesome names by the way), you guys rock. Reviews like that never fail to make me melt. You're super. I do hope you'll continue to chat me up in the progression of the story, 'cause that's like my favorite thing.

I'm a little nervous about this one. I'm not sure if it's poorly done or has weird pacing or how I did with the characterization, but it's because I didn't get much of a chance to look over this chapter before I wanted it out there. It could be a bit raw. And since I don't have a beta... Yeah.

Anyway, enjoy chapter three and prepare yourself for some feels. Just sayin'.

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Chapter Three: Problem Child (part one)

Dan was in a good mood when he came home the next day. A really good mood. In fact, he was so chipper that it made both of his kids have to doa double take from their spots in the dining room. From Gabe's vantage point, he ogled as he kissed his daughter on top of the head (receiving an 'ugh, _dad_' upon action) once he approached them and gave a happy sigh. "Everything's just great!" His grin was all teeth, looking down at his only son.

"Uh, what's wrong with you?" Gabe said wryly, wide eyes and a bewildered grin in spite of Natalie's apparent irritation. As the older brother, he had the duty of enjoying a little sister's problems and distresses. It was hardly a stretch, yet, ever since she could remember, he was a distant, mellow housemate rather than a annoyance dead-set on teasing the hell out of her. Not that it never happened, just not often. However, this didn't prevent the scowl sent Gabe's way.

"Why are you suddenly so delightful?" Natalie asked with a pointed look to her father, as cynical as always.

If one thing was for sure, it was that the kids never see their dad like this. It had been a while since either of them could remember conjuring a mere laugh from the man, much less a whole display of both cheerfulness and affection. He usually sat on the couch and brooded, or worked himself to death, or cooked and cleaned solo while worrying about Gabriel and his state during all previously mentioned activities. So, by the end of the day, he was fatigued and didn't say much more than a few words to either of them due to said exhaustion.

Obviously, tonight was very, _very_ different.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Dan countered, and set his hands on either of his children's shoulders. "Things have been going so well lately! And I've decided that what better way to celebrate then sitting down at the dinner table like a family? What do you say, Gabe? Nat?"

Gabe's eyes lit up at the idea. Almost as soon as the words left Dan's mouth, he began imagining him, his dad, Natalie, and his mom all sitting together, enjoying a meal as a family. Come to think of it, he couldn't really remember the last time that had ever happened, especially since Dad and Mom stopped speaking. What, with Natalie and all her school work, Gabe was almost to the point of believing they would never be a family again. Maybe a good mood and a little initiative is all they really needed to be close again. To be happy. Or, of course, it could be a start. Maybe Mom and Dad could put an end to this ridiculous argument, too. Yeah, it sounded like a fine idea to him.

As for Natalie, well, she looked less than impressed. Gabe wondered what could be so off-putting about the whole deal for her to make that sour face.

"Come on, perk up, Natalie." Dan tapped her on the arm, and she rolled her eyes.

"Fine, fine. Yeah, whatever. Do what you guys want."

Dan turned to Gabe and smiled carefully:

"What do you say, son?"

Gabe contained the enthusiasm when he looked up replied: "Yeah. I say let's do it."

Twenty minutes later, dinner was cooking and Gabe and his mom had set the table. His Dad was working the stovetop, and Natalie had her books to bare down on as she did her homework on the couch. After a moment or two, the doorbell rang, and Gabe pulled a face. Who could be at the door? His confusion was mostly based on the prospect that they never had guests. "I got it," he called, and paced to the front door. When he opened it, he couldn't believe he hadn't expected who would be on the other side.

"Oh, Hi. I'm Henry. Is... Uh, is Natalie here?"

Gabe glared at him, hard. _Oh, what does he want?_ Being slightly taller than the younger boy, who wore a ball cap over unkempt dark hair and smelled like pot, Gabe assumed it wouldn't be too difficult to intimidate. He closed the space between the doorway with his body when Henry tried to look behind him. "Why do you want to know?" He said lowly, not quite going for the friendly route despite how much this Henry-kid tried to appear polite.

"I... Just want to see her." He blinked slowly and Gabe internally scoffed. _Natalie really picked herself a bright one. _His blue eyes continued to pierce Henry's dark ones until he felt his baby sister pushing her way past him in the doorway.

"Henry! Oh god, what are you doing here?" She sounded fairly upset, Gabe noted with barely considered surprise. Actually, it was like more she was snapping at him. Henry seemed a little confused by her tone, too.

"I was just stopping by to see you, I wanted to... Is this your brother? You never told me you had a brother." Gabe hid a snicker at the abrupt change of direction in his slow-paced words.

"Don't you think there's a reason for that? Really, Henry, I can't talk right now." She attempted to push her brother back and away from her boyfriend with a very sisterly shove, earning herself a bit of room in the process. "We're about to have dinner and–"

"Natalie?" Their dad popped his head in what little space was left in between the siblings in the doorway. "Is this Harry? Nice to meet you!"

"**It's Henry**," Gabe and Natalie said in sync, and turned to each other the moment after to share a challenging gaze.

"Uh, it's nice to meet you, too." Henry smiled politely and stuck his hand in a space above Natalie's head for an awkward handshake.

Dan had the expression of pure glee when he said his next words, gesturing welcome with his hands. "Come in, come in, join us for dinner. We've got plenty of room." He pulled his kids back to let the boy in the doorway. His son would have immediately protested the idea if he weren't caught off guard from the abrupt yank back. It was a humorous sight, if you weren't currently in the situation. "I'd love the chance to get to know you better. Natalie talks about you all the time."

"_Dad!" _

Gabe was quickly becoming irate. This was supposed to be a _family_ dinner, not a 'get-to-know-nat's-pothead-boyfriend' party. But before he could put his two cents in to his father, the kid was already sitting in Mom's seat.

"Sit down, Nat, the food's ready. Gabe, you forgot the silverware, could you go get some, and a butter knife while you're at it. Thanks."

That was weird. He couldn't have sworn he and Mom had put down the silverware. Grumbling, he trudged to the drawer for the utensils and grabbed them with a clatter. When giving the forks to each person, he made sure to grip the one handed to Henry tightly and threw more daggers with his stare before relenting and letting the boy take it. Henry visibly swallowed.

Dan had already set the food on the table and was beginning to serve when he spoke up. "Alright, are we forgetting anything?"

"Uh, yeah." Gabe snorted, staring incredulously at his father as he took his seat.

Dan looked at his oldest with a question in his eyes. Gabe's jaw dropped.

He couldn't believe he'd forgotten. It was Mom's birthday today, for god's sake. Wasn't that why he'd been so excited when he got home? They should be —would have been—celebrating with a family dinner, but Dan just had to put Henry in the picture.

"What?"

"Dad, come on." He said impatiently, gesturing to exaggerate. "I can't believe you're still doing this. I mean, It's her birthday. _Remember?" _

The silence that followed was tense and deafening.

Gabe watched his Father with expecting -_demanding_- eyes as Natalie put her head in her hands. Dan's face shattered into a unwelcome, coldly familiar and tired expression, all of today's hopes slaughtered and buried by his son's few words.

Henry's potentially excited voice broke the quiet like glass shattering.

"_Who's birthday is it?_"

Natalie was the first to reply after a second tense silence. "M-My mother's. She... Died. A couple of years after I was born."

Henry's flattened, sympathetic 'oh' was enough to hold the moment until Gabe huffed a fit of humorless laughter and everyone looked up.

"W-_what? _What're you taking about?" He looked at all three of them, one-by-one. His confused smile faltered slowly, before he wore a face of utter seriousness. "Natalie." He snapped, attempting to show her reason. "Come on, she was _just_ here, You _just_ saw her. You know—stop ignoring her! I can't believe you! It's really gone too far this time." Even as he spoke with confidence, a sick feeling grew steadily in his stomach and twisted his insides.

At least, he expected his Dad to agree with him. What he did not expect was the picture he saw when he turned to him. His father's gaze was laced with pity and regret, punching holes straight through Gabriel's heart. "Dad. Tell her she's... Dad?"

Henry was staring at Gabe in shock, eyes wide with discomfort and jaw slightly gaping. Slowly, he came to understand the severity of the situation, and looked over to his girlfriend for guidance. Natalie seemed every bit as devasted as her father, but she also had another emotion that came a very close second. One even happy little Henry found increasingly easy to recognize. He could see her barely concealed anger, rising and building until she was ready to explode.

"Gabe." Dan spoke up when the weight of his son's gaze became too much for him to bear, eyes wet. His father's voice, which had earlier been so light and cheery, now possessed a tone gruff and somber. "_She isn't here_."

There was that loud silence again.

"_What?_" Gabe finally managed to get out. Hoarse. Quiet. Hurt. He felt dangerously close to some kind of outburst, like the world was crashing down around him and all he could do to save himself was run. His head spun madly. Amidst the chaos, there was awkward stillness, in which Dan, Natalie and Henry waited to gauge a more clear reaction, an answer as to how long they had let his delusions live unattended. Again. Another mistake made because Gabe was becoming harder and harder to control.

Emotions swirled like the toilet bowl carrying those awful pills away inside Gabriel's mind, fighting for the spotlight. He just felt so much in that moment, he was overwhelmed. He felt so angry and scared and sick and just so _confused. _

_"_I know you know, Gabe_."_ Dan continued quietly."Your mother...She's been dead for _twelve years. _I'm sorry_."_

Gabe heard this over voices that contradicted just that and shook his head slowly. His lost eyes were on his empty plate, flitting back and forth, brows furrowed and desperately trying to get a grip of the situation. Numbly, he wrapped his arms around his head. He tugged a little at his hair, hiding his face, staring blankly at the edge of the table. Still and quiet.

"This is fucked." He vaguely heard Natalie, hissing like she was in pain. Like she was the one in pain, and should be angry about it. However, Gabe was far too distracted by the torrent of conflicting emotions to actually care.

"Natalie!_"_

Tears pricked at his eyes, so he shut them tight, trying to retreat inside his mind to think. His heartrate was still amplified, despite his feeble attempts to regulate it. He wished the house would stop spinning.

_"Fuck this!" _

She flew up from the chair, letting it fall backward with a bang and stormed upstairs. Henry followed her awkwardly, obviously uncomfortable when he back away from the table with a few quick, thoughtless words:

"It was wonderful to meet you both."

_Yeah, right. _Gabe thought bitterly, for just a moment through his delirium.

He and his sister haven't agree on many things in their lifetime, but one thing was true that not one person in the household could deny:

_This was so fucked._

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Ouch. Wow. So, yeah, I'm still awake, and, like I mentioned before, I really would love some lovely little reviews. Sorry about any feels I may have caused you to go through on this fine night. I loved writing the little 'Henry comes unexpectedly and HEY he stays for dinner' bit. Great job there, Dan. Am I the only one who just... really loves protective!bigbrother!Gabe? Because, lets be honest, its adorbs.

. . . Forget I just said 'adorbs.'

And then after the little spoke of humor, everything pretty much goes to hell. On that depressing note, don't forget to review! Thanks for reading! ~Em


	4. Chapter 4

**Falling Slowly**

**written by Emily_Destler**

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Disclaimer: It ain't mine. 'kay?

Notes: Hey guys...It's me again. You know, that one chick who posted almost a month ago and is now just coming back with another feel-bad chapter. _You know you love the Gabe!whum, don't even try..._ Warnings for mentions of prescription drugs, delusions, a broken family, a mental breakdown, and just all around **'why the hell did you write this agony on paper, Em?'** I don't even know, guys. Don't even know.

Needless to say, it's hella sad, so brace yourself.

Ooh, Ooh, thank you for the reviews! I love them a genuinely enjoy reading (I'm not over-analyzing psht you're crazy) every single word you decide to send to me. I always get really excited whenever I see the number raise one or two when I refresh my phone. Like, you have no idea how uber-excited I get. Seriously, it's concerning.

But enough about me! Let's get on with the next installment. Enjoy!

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Chapter Four: Problem Child (part two)

_Dancing. Twirling—no, spinning. I've wound up, and now I'm gone, like a top, around and around. Out of control. I'm going to be sick. Somebody, anybody, just get me off this ride. I've gone. Spinning. Falling. Sinking._

_ I'm drowning._

No one person understands the feeling of helplessness until it has bombarded you at your worst. When this kind of devastation, this loneliness, grips you like a vice, nobody can reach out to you. Nobody can save you, not to pick you off the ground and put you back on your feet, nor to kneel down by your side and treat the symptoms with care and comfort. You're isolated and afraid and confused until what you need has found you. Gabriel _needs_. But he's lost with no way to get back home, only because—he realizes with a twist in his gut—he had never really known the way in the first place.

Somewhere in the back of Gabe's mind are the answers, but that place is clouded with warning and fear. It's dark and frightening in the parts of his brain that know the truth, that understand. And just like the boy who needs his mother, he's too afraid to visit them and learn what's its like to not have one at all.

Upstairs, Natalie forcefully slammed her door shut and started throwing things, trashing her room. Teenagers. Henry waited outside of the door, twiddling his thumbs nervously, balancing his deep concern for her as well as the discomfort of being in such a bizarre situation. Meanwhile, downstairs, Dan paced the floor of the dining room, alternately scrubbing his face and shooting a worried glance at his son. Gabe remained with his head in his hands, stock-still, and dwindling.

Excruciatingly long moments passed before Dan finally began to speak, uselessly seeking the attention of his not-so-lucid son.

"What about the new meds? Gabe, they were working... Jesus. Listen to me: I'm not sure how long this one has been going on, but I know we can fix it." _Just empty words._ "Look at me. It'll get better, I promise." Dan began picking up the unused silverware to put back into the drawers. "You just have to cooperate. That's all you really need to do. We'll figure this out. We can... We can get a new round from Dr. Fi—"

The interjection was immediate.

"_No!"_ Cried Gabe, fists slamming onto the table, rattling the forks that hadn't been retrieved yet, still lying atop the glass plates. His expression was fierce, an abrupt switch in a hair's breadth of a second. His tired eyes burned with defiance, outright anger, at even the suggestion of going back to Dr. Fine; the one who'd manipulated him for years, degraded him to a head-case and stuffed him with medication. _Mom would be so disappointed_. Gabe started to tremble. "It doesn't work! _They_ don't work! They only make everything worse."

Dan pinched the bridge of his nose.

Admittedly, this gave his son a twinge of guilt that he wished he didn't have to always feel. Wished the voice in his head that sounded too much like his own wouldn't throw accusations around. _You're a burden. A nutcase. A problem._

"Gabe, look. I know this is hard—" Dan started, but the ill-considered words could have been shouted as loud as by a drill sergeant from the way the atmosphere shattered.

"You... _what did you say_?"

It seems that guilt would be short lived after all. It was quite frightening how instantly Gabe could transition into a person who let his emotions and impulses rule over all other personal morals.

There was a tense pause.

Dan sighed. "I know that you're hurting."

Gabe shot up from his seat like a bolt, chair scraping against the floor.

How dare he?

"Oh, really?" A chilling laugh bubbled out of his throat before he snarled and added: "What, exactly, do you know?"

How _dare_ he?

Gabe was about to blow. His adrenaline thrummed and blood pressure rose to the point of no return. To the point where he struggled to not let his vision go absolutely blurred, bottling up the lack of control and the need to scream. Maybe it was the injustice of it all that kept him focused, or maybe just willpower, because he managed to keep a top on it. His next words were thankfully coherent.

"You have no idea what it's like! Don't even try to give me that empathetic-_I-know-how-you-feel-_bullshit! Stop pretending like you understand what it's like to be this way! You can't compare yourself to me, to this! And don't try to tell me it's easy, that's it's fixable, because it's not and you damn-well know that!"

"I just want to help you, Gabe!" Dan shouted back, though in a tone more desperate than aggressive. "I can't do that if you refuse the medication! I know it's hard, but they're meant to help you." The words came out of his mouth easily, by memory, for he'd had this conversation more times than once. He, regrettably, had a vague idea of how the situation, as challenging as it was, could potentially be pacified.

Although, that is not to say it didn't distress him to see his son brought down to this state, wide-eyed and confused and, worst of all, so upset at him. He was reminded all too much by his watery, accusing blue eyes of harder times, so many years ago, with another.

Dan had once thought Gabe's eyes were a gift. But he stopped feeling that way a long time ago.

Every laugh line and eye roll and tear was _her_.

Every heart-breaking bout confusion or morbid understanding that passed, palpable, through those eyes has long since been obliterated to a painful picture from Dan's past. So much so that it was almost too much to bear. Had all the times he'd hoped and prayed for his son to be different, to be happy, been for absolute naught? Dan coped by ignoring the stark resemblance, but it was so hard, especially now, to not hear a haunting voice replace the sound of Gabriel's relentless shouting and feel a stab of deft pain where his heart was, reeling in the bitter irony of it all.

Dan closed his eyes, fearing he too may become lost in his mind. He dismissed the memories promptly, his world oozing back into a cool, calm, grey mock of a color.

_Bang! _

A thump and a shatter brought him back to his kitchen with a startling tug. Beseeching the source of commotion, Dan's eyes fell to the floor, and fixed. He shortly wondered if witnessing this was any better than the memories.

_Twirling, Spinning... Drowning. I'm drowning. Somebody, help me!_

Gabe sat trembling on the floor, anguished, and sank deeper. His knees and head had become tucked and let his arms wrapped around himself. He shook with adrenaline and the fear of being consumed by the sudden sense of despair that overcame him. He didn't recall feeling this type of agony before now, but then again, how could he know for sure?

How could he possibly expect himself to know anything if he couldn't tell the difference between reality and hallucination?

So he hid. He cowered from reality like it were his enemy, mind tricked by his lowest mania. And with no drugs to dull the aftershocks of such a depressive drop, he remained, unreachable next to the scattered pile of glass that used to be a cup and next to her chair, toppled on it's back.

He heard Dan once again attempted to attain his son's attention, felt him kneel to the ground to console him, but to no avail._ Don't you know it's useless?_ In truth, there was only one person that could put him back on his feet, and trusted him to walk a few free steps without the crutch of Paxil, Ambien, and Prozac. One person he could confide in, and loved enough to return the favor. One person who understood.

_ And where is that person?_

_Dead!_

The word rung in his ears like a siren. He flinched and covered them. Dan placed a hand on Gabe's shoulder, and he flinched again, shuffling from the touch, muttering helplessly, shaking his head, face hidden, voice muffled.

"You don't know... You don't know..."

Dan licked his lips a scooted a bit closer. "Gabe, what are you afraid of? I'm here for you, you know that. How could something go wrong... That I can't see? But I promise, we won't give up on this. I won't let go."

Gabe sobbed, wishing his father just understood. All the anger in his system has melted into a hopeless sense of despairing. He felt betrayed by his illness, cheated out of a proper mourning, and that hurt like nothing else.

_ Drowning..._

A warm hand covered his, comforting. But he knew this felt different.

_He was afraid to look up_.

Suddenly, the image of pills rushing down the toilet drain came back to the forefront of his brain, in stark colors that promised regret. Slowly, he raised his head from the crook his arms had made, red eyes tracing the outline of their clasped hands and her face. He didn't blink.

She looked down at him with a sad smile. Her voice sounded distant, like a whisper, once she spoke.

"_Gabe. I'm here_."

Her eyes promised what words couldn't and he knew at the same moment he was damned.

"_I'm here_." She insisted.

His face contorted and tears rushed down his cheeks, at a crossroads to either embrace her or cover his ears and scream.

And then she was yelling. Shouting, but no, not at him. At his father. His father who refused to hear her, despite the meaning and importance of her words.

She was shouting in _his defense_.

While Dan tried desperately to get through to his son, his mother fought back relentlessly to a lost cause. It was_ unbearable_ to watch.

"_You can't expect this to just heal itself, Dan! Look at me! You have to see what's really going on and be there for your son!"_

"Gabe, it just takes some time. I'm going to be here, it'll get better, I swear. Look at me. I'm here."

"_Gabe, sweetheart, look at me. It's alright. I'll always be here_."

He covered his face with his hands, no longer trying to bite back the hysterical sobs that racked his body.

"Shhh, Gabe, you're okay, everything's okay."

But _her_ voice had grown ever closer, and echoed closely in his ears.

"_I know, sweetie, I know. I'm right here. Always_."

He felt a warm pair of arms wrap around his shaking body, equally as comforting as they were restricting, suffocating... Always?

Define always.

* * *

Right in the feels. SO sorry this took so long to write. I kept on procrastinating and saying "Oh, I'll get it done tonight," pretty much every night for the past two weeks... And yeah, you can see how effective that has been. *dainty voice* '_Has_ it been nearly a _month_? _Oh_, I had _no_ idea!' *bats eyelashes*

...I'm a horrible person. So, anyway, you may have seen a couple familiar phrases i.e. in Dan's dialogue. Heheh. Yeah, this is how you spot a bad writer, when they try to inconspicuously steal lyrics and pass it off. Hah. Weak.

So basically, if you hadn't noticed, in this AU... Gabe is Diana.. and Diana is Gabe. Simple enough? ABSOLUTELY FREGGIN NOT. Oh my goodman, is this hard to do! You try switching the protagonist as wife into a son and mother into a brother and 40 to 18 and so on. Not to mention pretty much everything else in the entire story that I have to change or switch around or warp this way or the other. I just hope that it flows.

I'm also really worried about this chapter, you know, because I've never really written a mental breakdown before and I basically just shattered Gabe's heart and stomped on it with cleats and that was freggin hARD TO WRITE NO WONDER IT TOOK SO LONG HUZAH I HAVE AN EXCUSE! Haha, no I don't. There's never an excuse. But back on the point of self-deprecation, I don't know how good this is so I would love more than I already do (which is saying something) if I got more of them beautiful reviews from you beautiful people.

Love ya! Thanks as always for reading! Hopefully the next chapter won't take so long.

Probably will. How the hell am I suppose to Gabe-ify _Superboy and The Invisible Girl_? THE ANSWER TO THE IMPOSSIBLE QUESTION. Oh, boy. Wish me luck. ~Em


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